2017
Long durational performance by Marta Lodola, duration 6 hours. Materials: white bottons, black long female dress, male suit jacket, sewing needle and thread, red lipstick, mirror, suture needle and thread .
Event 20.ZINNOBER Hannover, curated by Ilka Theurich Studio
“Thank you” I know it wasn’t my fault if you grabbed me by the neck, I know it wasn’t my fault if you slapped my right cheek, I know it wasn’t my fault if you pushed me to the floor I know it wasn’t my fault if my collar bone was nearly broken. Even when you locked me in our house I was sure that this was not the end. In those moment I learned how huge my fears are, and how they are sometimes strongly connected to love. It’s strange, don’t you think? After that I was not able to love anymore. But that was not my nature, because I’m made of love, light and darkness. Now, more than four years and a half later I want to say thank you for what you’ve done, because leaving you gave me the power to be stronger. Marta Lodola, monologue part of ARISE, 2017
According to Michael Foucault, french philosopher and historian of ideas, since the beginning of modern society every individual has been subject to the control on its own sexuality. The takeover has permitted the repression of life itself. Every single human being has being under control of psychiatrists, priests, doctors, judges, law enforcement but also by families themselves. With the creation of the notion of population, a new necessity to fully control the masses has emerged. Through the practice of confession, the sovereignty took over the most intimate part of every individual, repressing what was considered abnormal, not ordinary.
Highlights are present along our path in a way or another, and the resulting seizure of power on our being can shape in a positive or negative way our life. Often we found ourselves subject to be influenced by relationships, education, cultural dynamics but also by all the experiences we interface with during our existence. Specific external factors reflect within our inner reality, and for this reason we might get the chance to overcome our fear and discover a new reality free from obligations.
The act of sewing traditionally belongs to my life as my mother and my grandmother taught me how to sew buttons when i was a child. I used to fill up a piece of fabric then remove everything and start over again, choosing every day different and funny buttons. I’ve sewn the same piece of fabric over and over, a pocket made of red velvet. Growing up i’ve learned different sewing techniques, finding connections and similarities with painting and artistic creations in general. I keep with me this gesture as a unique sign of my persona and my femininity.
At some point, the joy and the naivety of being a child has been interrupted by a tragic event: a former partner has forced himself on me pushing me to find the strenght and the lucidity to understand what was happenig and finally leave him. In that moment I think I’ve lost, at least in part, the innocence in me that I might have never found again.
Luckily it was not as i thought, and after time I’ve understood the enormous pain i was carrying inside and I’ve decided to look for that child again and keep her with me. My artistic research has provided the lucidity to see things for what they are, detaching me and giving a wider vision.
I’ve found love for myself and for others only by leaving behind my old self made of forced social dynamics and conjectures as a woman. I’ve discovered gratitude for a life of complete faith. The negative experience turned into an unmistakable sign of my true self.
I’ve found myself after recognising and accepting my entirety, appreciating every moment that I’ve lived. Going through this abyss within me I’ve found again my real self.
ARISE 2017, ph Ilka Theurich
The performance evokes those moments, positive and negative, whereby I confronted myself with diverse power dynamics in referral to my persona by means of the performative practice.
My true self emerges to experience the present moment, letting go what lies within myself.
The rebirth is neverending, new consciousness arises overcoming fear.
During the action I gradually compose the sentence “Through my fears I’ve found myself”, where the writing process consists of two different faces, rationality and instinct. The balance between these two aspects of every individual is the subtle limit where I place the nature of my action. My aim to create meaning gets mixed with a more meditative and chatartic aspect.
Different levels of experience reflect upon the research of our true identity mixing at once the body language and the verbal one. Nothing is separated, everything is connected.